"You will have the world. You will be untouchable."

        He told me this months ago while I sat at the dining room table. He was conducting his business with members of my family and I happened to be there also. He promises me that I'll never have to work a 9-5 in my life ever again. He promises me money, large amounts of money, in a very short amount of time.

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      Three in the morning I turned off the lights and rested my head against the pillow. Closing my eyes only confirmed the notions that brewed in my thoughts last night. The breeze from the open window hitting my bare back. The blanket is right there, but I don't bother. You managed to make your way back into my head. On the edge of an already small bed, I am alone in my thoughts and you alone, are on my mind.

      You told me you miss me, but how much do you miss me?

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       Senior year. I walked to the bleachers where we met. Ironic how this time, it would be me feeling sad and lonely. Sitting there only further emphasized the truth. She's not here, and she may never come back.

       I still kept the ring around my finger as some way to think that she's there with me. But a ring could not repair my damaged social life. Being with her, my circle consisted of her and her friends, and they all graduated and left when she did. It was time to rebuild, it was like I just came in as the new kid even though I was here all along.

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(Author's note:

       It's been a year since I've started this project. I just want to thank those who have kept on reading my true stories. This entry will be very different though, so I hope you will enjoy and find a different perspective in this saga.)

      The following is a collection of excerpts from a journal that Maya kept. She surprised me with the book around the end of May. When we would get together she would bring her book out to show me what she wrote to me since the last time I read the book. While I'm finding it hard to grasp old feelings again, here are hers during the days of our relationship.

05/27/2003

     The first time I met you I thought, "Oh... so that's Anon. He's ok." I never thought I'd be changing what I said to, "Oh... that's Anon... my baby's daddy." Haha! Sounds funny, huh? I like laughing about it. It's a nice thought.

     Wow... look at what we've been through together and because of each other. Back then you were just a guy that Rose and Patrick was fighting about. The guy Margie had a crush on (but won't admit that she did). The guy with a deep voice and sits in the back in Spanish II class. I'm not exactly sure just how much you've changed from the first day you arrived here to right now, but whoever you've changed into... is the one that I am just oh-so-crazy about. Damn. You were such a loner and a home-body. Well... that's what your friends told me.

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      I stood outside with the sun shining of hope. It was one of those days, the winding down of summer, that triggered a memory in my mind. The cool breeze grazing my face as it passes me just as the summer has, I've had this feeling before.

     More than just a breeze, it was a symbol of my conquest for warmth. As another season passes, so does my ambitions and opportunities for a new flame. As the season passes, I am reminded that I, am cold.

     Prospects I've written about again and again will soon be like the dying leaves on trees; awaiting the mercy of the breeze to come and take it away.

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